Their Secrets
by The Weather Gal
Summary: PreRENTPostRENT. Roger and Mark shared so many secrets. Maybe it was what made their relationship so unique. MarkRoger. COMPLETE
1. Flag Day and Fort Roger

**Author's Notes: **I'm finally back! It took me awhile to develop a story that I really liked and I think this one fits the bill. I tried to do something a bit different than normal, so please tell me what you think so far. The rating is purely for language, so far. Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this so far and please review! This story should be longer than my last big one, so I hope you'll all sit down for the ride! Thanks for reading! Disclaimer: Rent belongs to Jonathan Larson, I just use them for fun. Enjoy!

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**Their Secrets**

**Chapter 1 – Flag Day & Fort Roger**

Roger and I had our secrets – secrets that no one else knew about and that we hardly ever discussed. Some of them were little things that we'd do, little quirks that we shared, habits we formed, or other rituals we had become accustomed to doing together. Occasionally Collins or Mimi would catch us in the act and give us funny looks, almost as if we were in a totally different world and they were foreigners watching from a far. I guess that's what made our friendship special.

I guess I never really considered them all until I was going through some random canisters of film. Roger's birthday was coming up and I decided to make him a short film of stupid stuff we had done together. The more I found footage to put on his present, the more I realized that no one besides us would understand this film at all. I continued, allowing each of the memories to take a hold of me.

One of my favorite secrets we shared was our annual Flag Day party. I should probably clarify as well that by party, we mean getting fucked up beyond recognition and regretting it the next morning every time. I know it sounds a bit absurd and for that reason alone it's one of our secrets. I suppose it all began our first summer in the loft…

"Damn, I don't think it's possible to be any warmer in this fucking loft," Roger screamed as he slammed the door to his room.

"No kidding," I call out from the bathroom, where I've managed to dunk my head in the sink to cool down my rising body heat. After I bring my head back up, I swear the sweat dripping from my frame is more than the water that remains on the fore of my brow.

I dunk my head back in the sink again, trying to get some of the cool liquid on the back of my neck. Through the water, I hear Roger mumble something, and pick my head up out of the water to hear him say more clearly, "What on Earth are you doing?"

"I'm hot," I reply.

"No shit, I'm hot too. But you don't see me dunking my head into the sink," Roger snaps back.

"Well, any other suggestions, oh wise one?"

"I don't know. Just don't do that, it looks stupid," he responds as he moves back into the living area of the loft. I follow him out and join him as he flops down on the couch.

I glance around the loft and realize that we're the only ones currently basking in the heat of the loft. "Where's Collins and Benny?"

Roger shrugs his shoulders and replies with, "Fuck if I know, I saw Collins leave this morning with some guy, and Benny mentioned something yesterday about spending the weekend with some woman. It sounds like they're out having a roaring good time, while leaving us both to die, together, in our new oven, the loft."

"Rog, don't be a drama queen," I mutter to his antics.

"Isn't today one of those stupid holidays that the government made up but no one gives a damn about?" he casually asks as he flips through a magazine lying on the table.

"Uh… maybe? The only holiday I actually care to remember is St. Patrick's Day," I respond, racking my brain, trying to answer his somewhat silly question.

"Don't we have a calendar around here somewhere?" he asks, throwing papers around, and finally standing up to storm about the apartment in search of a calendar. A calendar was one of those things you could never find when you really needed one, but always seemed to be there when you didn't need it. I saw Roger storm in and out of each room until I finally heard him should 'Victory!' and bring his findings back out into the living room.

"Found one. Benny had one just lying on his bed for some reason," he commented as he flipped through the months to June.

"So, do we have ourselves a winner?" I ask him as he looks dumfounded at the paper in front of him.

"Flag day?" he questions, his voice squeaking near the end.

"Seriously?" I reply, stunned.

"Flag fucking day. That's not even a holiday. Most holidays are supposed to be fun, joyous occasions, where the opportunity to get completely plastered exists," he rants as he throws the calendar on top of the mess of magazines habiting our coffee table.

"Well, why not we change that? Get totally trashed in honor of Flag Day?" I smirk, proud of my ingenious idea.

"Why Mark, I think that might be an honorable idea! Celebrate the flag the good ole way!" Roger says, bouncing up from the couch and scanning the cupboards for anything we might be able to consume in our celebrating.

"And maybe we can find some way to cool down while we're at it," I add as I assist him in the search for supplies for our 'Flag Day celebration'.

We've managed to scour the entire apartment and find 5 bottles of various liquors that were all approximately half full, several empty bottles that we grunted at upon finding them, and luckily, one full bottle of wine left over from someone's birthday… we disagreed for about ten minutes on who's birthday it was, but gave up when we realized that it was full.

We both end up lying on the couch, stripped down to tank tops and shorts, admiring our plans and the collection of beverages that we've managed to find in our messy loft. I can remember countless times when we've torn the loft into pieces in search for something and never find it. But today we've managed to be victorious.

"It's like 2 in the afternoon and we're already going to start drinking?" I ask him, curious as to how the rest of our evening would unfold.

"Why not?" he asks, grabbing the nearest bottle he can reach without having to move from his sprawled out position on the couch.

"Alright, well if you're gonna start, I guess I'll have to join you…"

Fast forward to four hours later. Roger and I after consuming over half of our alcohol collection came up with the excellent idea to fill the entire bathtub with cold water and go for a swim. The fact that we'd barely fit together in the bathtub didn't phase us one bit, the hope to find a solution to our heat problem was all that mattered.

So here we are, both scrunched inside the freezing cold tub in soaking wet clothes (I guess we didn't think to take off our clothes) and finally finding relief from the hell like heat that New York is experiencing on the magical holiday of Flag Day.

"Mark, you're pushing onto my side," Roger says angrily.

"Rog, the tub isn't that big. You really don't have a 'side'," I snap back. I start splashing him with the water and he retaliates and soon enough, we're in the middle of an all our war in our bathtub.

"Roger! You're getting water on the alcohol!" I exclaim and he stops in horror. I take that as my chance to dunk his head underneath the seemingly decreasing water line. He's flailing his arms and kicking his legs at me and I finally release him as I can't contain my laughter any longer.

"Marky, that wasn't funny, you tricked me!" he whined. Roger when he's drunk can take on multiple personalities, one of them is childlike Roger, who tends to whine and do idiotic, childlike things.

"Sorry Roger," I mutter and grab for the bottle lying next to the tub, downing the large sip remaining and placing the empty bottle on the floor.

"S'okay, Marky," he softly replied as he sunk farther down into the tub, pushing his wet body closer to mine. I could only imagine the looks we'd get from Collins if he was here right now. He'd make some crack about us being the true 'couple' of the loft.

It was at this moment I realized I was the sober one of the pair of us and by no means was I sober. I hopped out of the tub and pulled Roger out with me. We dragged our wet bodies back on the couch and it seemed as if the water evaporated quickly into thin air. Roger went and grabbed for another bottle, while I went and grabbed my camera.

I zoomed in on Roger and began my sloppy narration, "Roger and I have decided to celebrate in order of Flag Day!" I pan my camera to show the empty and full bottles, our wet clothes, and the puddles that show our path from the bathroom. "It's so fucking hot as well, so we decided to go for a swim in the bathtub."

Roger took another swig and I sat down beside him, pulling the bottle away from his face, "Roger, save some for me, you're a lot drunker than I am right now, and it's only six, we've got hours of potential left!"

I manage to grab a hold of the bottle and take a large swig of the beverage, its contents burning my entire mouth. I shake my head in response and continue my filming. "Observe the empty bottles and those who will be empty soon enough if Roger continues the way he's been going."

"Marky, let me have the bottle back, or I'll tell everyone about you stalking that girl that works at the Life Café," he smirks and I hand him back the bottle quickly.

"I'm not stalking her, I'm just learning more about her," I inform him and blush significantly.

"Marky's in love…." Roger sings in a little song and I smack him over the head.

Fast forward four more hours. Empty bottles lie at our feet and we're barely conscious, the two of us somehow migrated at one point to the roof of the loft, and I often wonder how we managed to get up there without killing ourselves. The night air is humid, yet refreshing and we're lying down, staring up at the hazy night sky.

"Mark," Roger's intoxicated voice mumbles at my feet.

"Hm," I mumble, noticing how wonderful the blackness of the sky often really is.

"Don't feel so good," he states, scooting so that he's lying directly beside me.

"Me neither," I inform him and the nauseating feeling I'm currently experiencing isn't the greatest one.

"Flag Day sucks," he mumbles and my head turns to the right to look at his face.

"Yeah, it kinda does," I add and stare back up at the magical night sky.

That was Flag Day celebration number one. Every Flag Day since we've ended up doing something as ridiculous as the bathtub incident, as it thus has been named. We drink to the memories and add new ones. We ended up hating the holiday by the end of the night, especially when we're forced to spend quality time hovering over the toilet. Every time has been special, each of them different than the last.

I threw down the canister of film I had just finished watching and picked up the next one. The more I watched these films the more I realized how many secrets we kept behind our loft door. I glance down at the next canister beside me, yearning to find the perfect combination of our memories, often our secret memories, to complete my present for Roger. Let's dive in and find out what this one has to offer…

When Roger was going through withdrawal his behavior was stranger than normal at times. Of course, I'd never say that to his face, but it's the truth. One day I had came back from lunch with Maureen and saw his door closed again. So, I placed down my camera and bag and gently opened the door to try and see how he was doing. However… what I saw I still laugh about to this day.

Roger had taken all his blankets and built himself a fort in his room. Forts like you would make when you were a little kid with chairs and sheets and other things as such. However, Roger really outdid himself. This was a fine piece of blanket fort craftsmanship. I covered my hand with my mouth to mutter the laughter I was trying so hard not to vocalize. I wouldn't want to upset Roger because God knows what kind of mood he's in.

"Uh, Roger?" I asked, cautiously.

I heard some scuffling on the floor and saw Roger's head pop out near my feet. "Yes, Mark?"

"Nice… fort," I comment and I notice a small smile peer across his face.

"Uh, thanks," he replies and I'm suddenly relieved this was a good day. Roger had good days and bad days and the bad days outnumbered the good ones far too often. I don't know how many more bad days I could physically handle. I walked back to where I had set down my camera and brought it back into Roger's room.

"Today Roger has gotten creative and built a rather elaborate fort in his room," I begin narrating as I scan around his room.

"Fort Roger," he declares.

I choke back another laugh and zoom in on him, "And apparently Roger has also turned into a 12 year old."

"Oh, Mark, fuck off," he says, retreating back into his fort. I stop filming him, noticing his rather quick attitude change. Oh well, at least he was happy for a little while.

Roger stayed in his fort for three straight days. I honestly couldn't tell you why or what motivated him to build such a fort. I'd given up on trying to analyze Roger's behavior a long time ago. I'd leave him some food by the door and continue on with my life per usual.

I had returned back to the loft after some random filming to find Roger lying on the couch. My eyes couldn't believe the sight before me and it took me a second to realize that Roger was honestly out of his room.

"Hey Roger," I said, trying not to act too cheery.

I didn't get a real reply, just a grunt and mumble or two. I find my way over to the couch, where I sit down beside my roommate. I say nothing, hoping that he'd make an attempt at some form of conversation, but realized that it wasn't going to happen any time soon. I started to get up, but felt Roger's hand grab my wrist.

"What?" I slightly snapped at him, considering how tight he had grabbed a hold of me.

"Stay," was his only response. I sighed and sat back down on the couch.

"Well, if I'm going to stay, you're going to at least talk to me," I inform him. Two could play at this game.

"Fine," he says.

"Can I ask what made you build the fort and stay in it for three days?" I cautiously ask him.

He glanced away from me for a moment, before turning back to face me. "It was stupid."

"I thought it was pretty funny, actually."

"Really? I don't know," he replies, pausing before he finally confesses, in a quiet voice. "I got scared and… I don't know, wanted somewhere to hide? I feel better now."

"That's good," I respond. This was how a lot of our conversations went, so I was used to trying to comfort him.

"Promise you won't tell anyone; that it'll be our secret?" he asks hesitantly and in all honesty, I was a bit surprised by the request.

"Of course," I respond.

It so it had stayed that way. I still had that small clip of Roger in his fort and knew it had to go on the film. It was one of our 'serious secrets', but I think it still played a role in the reality of our relationship. I think that was the turning point in Roger's recovery because he finally started getting out of his room.

I stepped back from my projector and rubbed my tired eyes. I scanned to see that it was already 2am and I probably should get some sleep. I organized my mess and found my way to my bed. Tomorrow I'll continue my project…

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**Please tell me what you think! Reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading!**


	2. The Bird Killer

**Author's Notes: **I'm astonished with the reviews from the first chapter! Thank you to all who reviewed, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you enjoyed the last! Once again, Rent belongs to Jonathan Larson, I just use Mark, Roger, and the rest of them for fun! Thanks for reading and enjoy!

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**Chapter 2 – The Bird Killer**

It had been a terribly long day and I desperately wanted to crash for the evening. However, I knew I had far too many reels of film to go through if I wanted to get Roger's project done on time. I had a nice, steaming hot cup of tea ready to go and I was ready for a long night of remembering ahead.

I popped in the first reel I had on top of the stack and it began to play. I sat back and watched as various clips flashed upon the screen, but one scene that began to play took me by surprise. It was something I remember so clearly now and I rewind the film to watch it again. This would definitely go on his film because it meant so much to the two of us. I still remember that day as if it were yesterday…

When I first moved into the loft, Roger hated me. Hated me more than I humanly thought possible for one human to hate another human. I might be exaggerating, but still, it was a bit unbearable for me. Collins, Benny, and I got along great. However, Roger was Roger, and would find ways to let me know that he believed I didn't belong in the loft.

I had just returned from another wonderful day of wandering around the city and filming whatever I found to be interesting. I opened the loft door to find an empty living area, which was very uncommon recently. I threw down my stuff and practically threw myself down on the couch. I began to relax when I heard the shuffling of feet coming from Roger's room.

I took a deep breath in, praying that he wasn't going to come out and bother me. I was tired and wasn't ready for another strained conversation. So I quietly gathered my things and slinked into my room, careful to make hardly any noise. I climbed onto my tattered mattress and tried to relax. However, the noises coming from the living area startled me from my relaxation.

I leaned up against the door to listen to the noises, "Shoo… shoo… what the hell… stupid bird…"

Roger was screaming and batting at what sounded to be a bird that had made its way into our humble loft. I carefully opened the door an inch to look out and I could see him clearly standing up on the couch, a magazine in hand, tempting to battle the bird. I retreated back to my belongings and grabbed my camera. This was an opportunity I hadn't gotten yet – a chance to get some incriminating film on Roger.

I opened the door just enough so that I could stick the lens of my camera out and could view his actions at the same time. He's managed to jump from couch to table to chair and back in his attempts to defeat his foe. I'm doing my best to stifle my laughter, but eventually it becomes too much and I'm laughing louder than I possibly could even imagine.

I notice Roger glance over at me and my laughter stops immediately. I don't think I've been given a look that could kill before and I almost have the urge to roll up in a little ball and cry at that point. He breaks the silence with his angry response, "What the hell are you laughing at?"

"Uh, nothing, sorry," I mumbled quietly and started to retreat back into my room when he screamed out to me again.

"Well, aren't you going to help me?"

I pause, turning around in confusion. Roger, asking me, for help? I hesitantly opened my door, scanning the room to find the small bird Roger had been fighting so physically. I joined him in the center of the room and picked up an old newspaper to use as my 'weapon'. I stood up on the couch next to Roger and try my hand at swatting at the small creature, but as Roger was unsuccessful, I was even worse at it.

"Are you even trying?" he says to me and I can only reply with, "I'm doing my best!"

"I hate birds," he replies, jumping up to try and hit the thing, but once again is unsuccessful.

We continue at it for a couple more minutes, each taking our turns jumping up and swatting at our arch nemesis. Finally, by mere luck, I jump higher than I had ever jumped before and managed to make contact with the small beast, bringing it to the ground with my swift swing.

"You did it!" Roger exclaimed, jumping down off the couch and going over to examine my kill. I walked up beside him to see the small bird's wings flap as it finally brings them down to rest.

"I didn't think I hit it that hard," I state, almost in shock at what I've done.

"Man, you really took it out," he replied, kneeling down to look at the dead bird.

I walked over to grab my camera and brought it up to start filming, "Dead bird. I managed somehow to jump up with a newspaper and kill our intruder." I paused as Roger smiled back up at the camera. It was the first real smile he had ever given me and I had it here, on my camera. It was possibly the happiest I had felt since I arrived in the loft. I brought my camera down away from my face as Roger stood up.

"You know, you might just prove to be useful around here," he commented, patting me on the back. I tried hard not to smile to outrageously, but I probably looked like an idiot the way I was grinning.

"Uh… thanks," I reply, turning around to head back into my room.

"Hey, wait," he calls out and I whip around to face him.

"Yeah?" I reply.

"You're not going to tell everyone about me jumping up and down and looking like an idiot are you? And you better not show anyone that film… the first part anyway," he says with a hint of concern in his voice. So, the hardcore rocker is worried about his image being shattered. I almost would love to show this to everyone I know… but I never could do that if I ever wanted to be friends with Roger.

I give him a smile and reassure him, "Don't worry, I won't say anything."

"Uh, good to hear. Hey, you want to go grab a bite to eat?" he asks me and I almost drop my camera after hearing the words come out of his mouth.

"With… with me?" I stutter out in shock.

"Yes, you, bird killer," he laughs at me.

"Sure!" I reply over excitedly and I continue, "I mean, yeah, that'd be good."

"Cool, grab your stuff and let's go," he tells me and we head out together.

So that's how it all began. I remember when we returned back to the loft from eating, smiling and having a civil conversation. The look on Collins and Benny's faces was priceless. I don't think they ever understood what possibly could have happened to change Roger's mind about me, but I know they're glad he did. I'm glad he did as well. I don't know what I would be today without him.

I glanced down at the pile of film reels and grabbed another one. There were so many moments I wish I had on film, which must sound funny coming from me. I get nearly everything on film; my camera practically is glued on my hand. However, there were several moments that it just wasn't right to film or I just didn't film them for various reasons. One of them was the day my mother came and visited me here at the loft for the first – and last – time.

I had been up far too late the night before with Maureen and had the urge to kill whoever was pounding loudly on my door. I threw on my glasses and a shirt and shuffled my way to my door, opening the door slowly, the bright light blinding my vision.

"What," I mumble to whoever is pounding at my door.

"Mark, you better let me in," Roger tells me with concern in his voice.

I open the door just enough to let my roommate enter my messy room and turn to face him. "Whatever it is, tell me now so I can go back to bed."

"No man, you can't go back to bed. Your mom just called," he informs me and I feel my stomach do a sort of flip flop. I can't tell by the tone in Roger's voice what I should be worried about.

"And…" I motioned to him to continue.

"She's coming _here_," he said grabbing a hold of my shoulders, shaking me, and making my head hurt a little bit.

I take a moment to think about what he's just told me and it hits me. "What?"

"I just said, she's coming here, to visit you," he explained to me much clearer and I suddenly have the urge to vomit.

"Why?" I said, throwing my hands in the air.

"To hell if I know. But you better get changed or shower or whatever else you're supposed to do when your mom comes to visit!" he screams at me.

"Shit. This isn't good," I reply, while taking a moment to sit down on my bed and rub my eyes with both hands.

"No kidding, the last time Benny's parents came to the loft they acted like crazy people," he commented.

"Just wait until you meet my mother…" I mutter, already getting a headache from the lectures I will sure enough be getting when she arrives.

"So here's what you're gonna do," he starts while pacing in front of me. "First, you should probably clean up your room. Next, you should probably take a shower. I'll clean up the kitchen and whatever else she might look at."

"Okay…" I reply, confused by Roger's behavior, but slightly relieved that he's willing to try and help me get out of this alive. I let out a small moan in frustration and begin to pick up the mess in my room while Roger leaves to go implement his part of the plan.

My mom arrives at the loft two hours later and as soon as we hear the knock on the door, Roger scurries as fast as a mouse into his room. I have to admit, he was a huge help in cleaning up the place so it looked at least organized. I took a deep breath before advancing to the door, slowly pulling it open to see my mother standing in front of me. She practically jumped on top of me, grabbing me into a huge hug.

"Mom, I can't breathe," I mumble out in between breaths.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry," she replies, pulling away and walking right into the center of the loft. I hold my breath, waiting for the inevitable distaste with my living arrangements.

"Well, isn't this… interesting," she declares, walking briskly around the space, taking in the entirety of it.

"It's home," I reply from my position by the door.

"Where are those roommates of yours?" she asks, obviously grilling me for information.

"Uh… I don't know," I quickly reply, partially telling her the truth considering that I didn't know where Collins and Benny were and I didn't want Roger to come out and have a conversation with my mother.

"What a shame, I wanted to meet them all," she says, while peeking into our bathroom to examine it. Her analysis follows after she comes out. "This doesn't exactly look… clean."

"We manage," I reply, praying for someone to come take me away.

"Alright, let's get out of here," she says, finally making her way back to me. "How about some lunch, you look far too skinny, honey."

"Sure, sounds great," I reply, knowing that a simple lunch with my mother wouldn't be that bad. Plus, hey, free food. So off I went to share a meal with my mother who I hadn't seen in months…

I slowly made my way up the flight of stairs, returning home from an interesting lunch with my mother. She was right behind me, telling me how Cindy and her kids were doing, and I could hear little comments about me having kids of my own. I tried not to make my snide comments too loud.

I opened the loft door to see an empty loft and a sigh of relief passes over me. I can't risk peeking in Roger's room to see if he's in there, so I bring my mom in and find my way to sit down on the couch.

"Sorry, doesn't look like anyone else is here," I inform her, since during the entire meal she was ranting about not getting to meet any of my roommates.

"Well, that's a shame. Anyway, honey, there's a reason I came here today," she starts and I knew this was trouble to begin with. She wouldn't have just up and decided to come visit me. I knew she had to have a reason.

"Great… what is it?" I reply.

"Well, it's just that, your father and I never imagined you'd actually decide to stay out here. We figured you'd give up on this whole fantasy thing you've decided to pursue…"

I cut her off at that point, "It's not a fantasy thing. I'm a filmmaker."

"Well, whatever dear. What I'm trying to say is, why don't you come back home? Or go back to school? Maybe a smaller community college or something of the sort… it doesn't have to be a big university…"

I stood up in shock, "Are you kidding me?"

"No, honey. I mean, look at you, you're so skinny, and this apartment… it's not ideal living conditions…"

"Mom, you don't understand, I like it here," I inform her.

"I mean, you could be easily mugged or killed or something of the sort… and then what would happen to you?" she says in her motherly tone.

"You don't have to worry about me," I reassure her.

"But I do, which is why I think you should come home with me today," she responds.

I start to laugh a little and then look up at the serious expression on her face, "No Mom, I'm not coming home with you."

"Mark, please," she insists, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards my bedroom.

Then, a new voice enters the picture, so loud and clear, "Mark isn't going anywhere he doesn't want to go."

I turn around, pulling away from the grip my mother had on me to see Roger standing in the doorway to his room. I smile at him and he walks over to where we were standing.

"Mrs. Cohen, Mark belongs here. If you can't see that, then you obviously don't know him very well. It was very nice of you to visit, but I think for your sanity you best be leaving," he informs her and I step back to stand beside him.

"Well, okay," she responds, heading towards the door. "It was nice to see you, Mark."

I step towards her and let her hug me goodbye and she finally leaves my sacred home. I walk over and plop down on the couch and Roger follows right behind me.

"Thank you," I tell him.

He shrugs his shoulders and leans back against the back of the couch, "Benny's parents did the same thing."

"Really?" I reply.

"Yeah, except they weren't as nice about it," he explains. I lay down, still tired as hell from the night before.

"I need to sleep for days after that…" I reply and we both laugh. Everything was going to be okay.

So Roger helped me win the battle with my mother that day. I wish I had him telling off my Mom on film. It was one of those moments that we had shared between us that will forever only be remembered by those who experienced it, unlike the thousands of memories I capture on film. I guess neither one of us ever talked about it, I know I didn't it, and I'm pretty sure Roger wouldn't have reason to. I'll find some way to incorporate it into the film, considering how much of an impact he had on me that day. He stood up for me and what I believed in, something no one else had been willing to do for me before.

I stood up from the film that had been paused on the screen for awhile as I had been reminiscing. I turned off the projector and rubbed my tired eyes. It had already been a long day; I didn't need to make it a long night either. I jumped on my squishy mattress and went through the numerous memories I had experienced today…

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**Thank you again for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated, so thank you for taking the time to review!**


	3. Toy Stores and Teddy Bears

**Author's Notes: **A big thank you to all of you who have reviewed. Just as a side note, I know some of you weren't happy with Mark killing the bird in the last chapter, and he reassures me that he never meant to kill it, and he wishes he hadn't. :) Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this chapter, reviews are greatly adored by all of you! Once again, RENT belongs to Jonathan Larson, I just use Mark and Roger for some fun! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

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**Chapter 3 – Toy Stores and Teddy Bears**

Today I decided to venture to an area of town that I normally don't get to often: Times Square. I don't know what made me decide to take the subway there, but I figured it had been awhile since I had filmed stupid tourists gawking at the city life. However, it reminded me of several memories of Roger and I doing things that would be 'film worthy'. As soon as I arrived back at the loft I dashed over to my trusty projector and stack of film canisters. I start tearing through the stack until I find the right one, holding in my hands as a treasure.

I put in the reel in the projector and watch as the scattered film clips flicker on the screen. Happy images, sad images, and those in between, I sit back and wait for the one scene I desperately wanted to come across the screen. I wait just a bit longer and my smile goes wide at the sight of the clip I was looking for…

As much as I enjoyed when it snowed, it was a terrible annoyance when I was filming. It would provide a nice backdrop to the subject I was filming, I do admit, but sometimes when it was snowing hard enough it would become a distraction. Today was an instance of my displeasure at our dear friend snow as I was intent on filming every last second of our travels. Roger and I had decided that we needed all the help we could get when shopping for our lovely girlfriends for Christmas.

So, the scene currently my camera was filming was Roger walking directly in front of me, snow pouring down, and rows of shops passing by. We had been at it for at least two hours now, Roger almost decided on a gift for April, but after seeing the price decided he could find something better. I was hopeless in my search, it seemed like with my limited budget I could not possibly find something that Maureen would deem wonderful enough. But, we continued our search.

"Mark, if you keep fiddling with that camera, we're never going to find something today!" Roger turns and says to me and I bring the camera down away from my body.

"We could always show them the film, show them all the lovely things we wanted to buy them, but could not afford?" I jest with him.

"Ah yes, that would be the perfect solution. Although I think Maureen would be more pissed that April," he replies and I wholeheartedly agree with him.

"Yeah, you're right, so we continue searching the entire city!" I say, raising my camera up in the air in joyful response.

"We're totally screwed," Roger mutters underneath his breath.

"Rephrase that. I'm totally screwed. I'm the pale, scrawny guy with the totally hot girl. I have to try and keep pleasing her somehow," I joke back, although by no means am I joking.

"Don't worry, Maureen loves everything you get her, it's so sickening," he says, making a fake vomit face and I capture the moment on tape. I smile back at his silliness.

"I'm showing her that," I respond.

"Hey, look ahead, a toy store," Roger says, pointing to a rather colorful building up to our left.

"So?" I say, filming Roger getting increasingly excited about the building he seems to want to visit.

"Come on Mark, toy stores are fun!" he says while grabbing my hand, dragging me towards the rather brightly colored building.

"Roger, I don't know what's gotten into you, we're wasting time," I mutter as he swings open the door and the sounds of children and toys buzzing around fill my ears.

"Hey, you never know, we should go check out the stuffed animals, I could always get April a cute stuffed… something," he replies dragging me in the direction of a very large stuffed teddy bear. So large, that if the bear was indeed a real bear, I would probably be crying like a little girl.

I take the opportunity to film the children playing, the toys moving, and everything. I might have just found a great new place to film – toy stores. So many things happening around me and it seems like I can't capture it all like I want to. I keep my camera trained on Roger as I observe his eyes light up at the toy trains and a small boy playing with a toy car beside them. My filmmaker instincts take over as I walk and film the excitement around me.

"Mark, are you listening?" he says to me and I glance up from my camera lens.

"Uh, sorry, distracted," I respond.

"Look at all those stuffed hippos! You think April would like one of those?" he asks, dragging me towards the pile, while I now keep the camera trained on his every action.

"Uh… I really don't know, she's your girlfriend," I reply, examining one with a large, pink, tutu. It looked rather hideous.

"Look at this bear! It's got a little guitar!" he says, showing me the bear by shoving it into my face. I jump back a second and take a second to examine his new found friend carefully. It was a small red bear, dressed in a small blue shirt, holding a small guitar.

"Wow, Roger, a bear playing a guitar," I say, the excitement screaming from my voice.

"You're in a cranky mood," he responds, cradling the bear in his hands, he looks at it almost like it was a small child. After a minute he gently rests in back in its spot, smiling down at the small creature. "Maureen wear you out last night?"

"Ha, very funny," I only reply, scanning the rest of the room.

"This is perfect," he tells me, holding a pink, stuffed swan in his hands. I film the creature lying in the musician's hands and zoom out to his face.

"So it's settled. April will be receiving a pink swan for Christmas!" I exclaim and the smile on Roger's face widens.

"Well, that'll just be part of her gift," Roger replies, winking and a sly smile on his face.

"Roger, I don't even want to know," I say, walking away from Roger and the swan.

"Fine, I'll go pay for this," he mumbles as he walks over to the register. I stay by the door, filming the entire store, to capture this perfect moment on film. Roger finally meets me at the door, swan safely tucked in a bag in his hand, and we head out.

That was such a happy memory, it was before everything, before withdrawal, before April left Roger, before Maureen dumped me, before… everything we have now. It was a totally different life compared to what we're faced with now.

I stop the film there, desperately searching the rest of the piles of films for the rest of the story. I found the one I was looking for, a film I marked with a big red X, because it was the film I had with all the moments of Roger's withdrawal on it. I put the film in the projector and watched as the rest of the story unfolded.

I desperately wanted to find a way to cheer Roger up. He spent countless hours lying in bed, never touching his guitar. He only got up to go to the bathroom or occasionally he'd move to his window and stare for hours. Collins agreed to watch Roger for the day so that I could get out, see the city, and as he put it 'get some sunshine in my eyes'. I was walking aimlessly around the city, camera in hand, searching for something – anything – that could give me the answer to the question that I repeatedly asked in my head. How can I cheer Roger up?

The colorful building captured my attention right away and I knew my answer lie right behind their doors. I crossed the street, my pace quickening as I reached the entrance to the toy store. I walked in and headed straight to the back, where the big bear stood and the piles of colorful stuffed animals remained.

It had been months since Roger and I had been here, but now, being here, it seemed like yesterday. It was a bit almost unreal the way how many things had changed since we were joking in this exact same spot about the swan that Roger had bought for her. I started digging through the piles of animals in search of the one – the only one – and could not, for the life of me, find the small, red bear. I stood back away from the pile and released a sigh. Of course that bear couldn't still be here, it was over seven months ago since we'd had been here and it had to have been sold.

I glanced down at my feet when I noticed it. I did a double take, taking a step forward, kneeling down in front of the small bear. It was indeed the same one Roger seemed to love on that December day. I picked it up and held it in my hands. The happy memories seemed to overwhelm me and I couldn't put the bear back down. I felt around in my pocket to see how much money I had, pulling out the tattered bills, counting them all in my head. I looked back down at the bear and smiled at it. The bear would be coming home to Roger.

I walked briskly down the street, my new purchase swinging in my left hand and my camera filming in my right. Everything seemed so much newer now, almost as if I had gained a part of my life – a part of my happier life – back from visiting that toy store. I couldn't wait to give Roger the bear, silently hoping that it would at least make him happy for one day.

I arrived back home and rushed up the stairs, throwing the door open, and placing everything but my camera and the bear down. I waved to Collins, who was busy reading something. I walked up to Roger's door and knocked quietly on the surface. I did not receive a response, so I cautiously open his door, peeking into the space.

I saw him lying on his back, relaxing on his bed. Not a familiar sight, these days. I pushed the door open some more, enough so that I could place my camera on the table beside the door and I could keep the bear out of Roger's eyesight.

"Uh, hey, Roger," I began, hoping to evoke some sort of response. However, all I received was a couple of grunts and an emotionless facial expression. I made my way deeper into his room, positioning myself so I stood directly in front of his eyes.

"Listen, I was walking around town today, and well, I came across a familiar place. I saw this," bringing the bear out in front of my body, "And thought you might like it. I know you did when we saw it for the first time. Maybe it could remind you of… well… happy things."

I did my best, but I feared that my efforts would be not enough. Roger did not respond to the bear or my speech, so I placed the small animal on his night stand and quietly left the space.

However, I know my efforts did not go to waste. Roger had kept the bear, but out of the sight of anyone to see. I once was searching his room and found it nestled underneath his pillow, all smushed from Roger sleeping on it (or this is what I assumed). One time, Roger was extremely drunk and I was forced to bring him back to his bed. As soon as I laid him down on his bed, he whipped out the bear and held it lovingly to his chest.

"Look, Mark, it's the bear you got me!" he said, his words slurred, but I still smiled at his announcement.

"Yes, yes it is," I reply, helping him remove his shoes, and organizing the mess around his bed.

"I never thanked you for him, but he's such a good bear," he said as he was staring straight at the little bear, a smile wide on his face.

"That's good, now you both need to sleep," I inform him and he brings up the covers to cover himself and the bear that he laid down beside him on the bed. I smiled at the scene before me. I'm happy knowing now that the bear and everything I did, everything I tried doing, for him did not go to waste.

Happy with my results for the evening, I shut off the projector and climbed into my small bed. I smiled at the ceiling; my findings today were the best ones yet. Tomorrow I'll have to find more memories that are worth putting on his film.

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**Thank you again for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated! **


	4. Celebrations

**Author's Notes: **Thank you again to everyone who's reading this story and to everyone who's reviewed. I know it's taken me extra long to get this chapter up and I apologize for that. I will try to get up Chapter 5 by Monday at the latest! I really hope you enjoy this chapter and the next one will be even better. Disclaimer: Rent belongs to Jonathan Larson and I just use them for some fun. _**Enjoy!**_

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**Chapter 4 - Celebrations**

I couldn't believe now how beautifully I captured the fireworks. The light reflected off the sky perfectly and it was a moment forever captured in perfection through the lens of my camera. I watched as the rest of the fireworks continued and soon after as the camera focused its lens on him.

His face was admiring the spectacle before us, eyes wide with excitement with every burst of light that shone through the sky. He had a true smile, one that had been lost through April and the drugs and through the disease. This was before any of that – before he still had his hopes and dreams and thought his world was unbreakable. That he was born to fulfill some great destiny.

I keep filming, alternating between shots of Roger's face and the sky above. I don't film anyone else besides Roger and the fireworks and I think Collins and Benny might have been there. I believe the four of us went out to watch the fireworks that year together. Just four roommates enjoying the holiday, taking a moment out of the chaos that was our lives. I took the opportunity to film my friends – my best friend – and am forever grateful for the film clip to this day.

I watch as Roger mouths something to the camera and I can't quite make it out. I pause the film and rewind it, closely examining the motion in his lips and make out one phrase.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

I just want to jump in the camera and tell him that it truly is. The light that reflects in his eyes, gives off this magical appeal to the whole thing and I suddenly feel like I'm momentarily placed back to that time, the time when things were so much better.

The clip ends and the reel moves on to shots of children playing with hoses in the streets, trying to cool off in the hot, July heat. The film continues, but I lie down on my back, staring up at the dark ceiling, and remember being in the exact same position on that warm, July night.

I stopped filming as the fireworks ended, the loud eruptions from the grand finale still ringing in my ear. I place my camera at my side and turn to look at each of my friends. Benny and Collins are carrying on a conversation about the Constitution and other history related things and I'm sitting next to Roger, who's staring off into space.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" I ask him, my curiosity peaked.

He stops gazing into space, stares down at the ground, then back up at me. "Oh, I don't know."

"Oh," I reply. "It's just that Benny and Collins are having this conversation with big words and deep thinking and I promised myself I wouldn't ever again discuss anything doing with the Constitution after my tragic high school history project."

I realized I was rambling at the same time Roger began to laugh at me. "Tragic high school history project?" he asks in between his laughter.

"Uh, yeah. So… wow, I can't believe I'm telling you this," I mutter, glad that it's quite dark outside so Roger couldn't see how red my face was getting.

"What, did you fall off the stage in the middle of reading the Declaration of Independence or something?" he asks and I smile at his suggestion.

"Oh, I wish. That would be moderate compared to the tragedy I've been through," I mutter. I take this moment to lie down against the deep grass, remembering the story that I'm dreading telling Roger.

"Mark, come on, you have to tell me now!" he says, lying down beside me.

"Okay, but you promise you can't tell anyone, that means Benny and Collins too," I say, turning my head to face his. He cracks a smile and responds, "Alright, promise."

"We were doing this project in my junior year history class and I was in this group with three girls that I was friends with through the theater department. So, they had this great idea that we would dress up like the writers of the Constitution and then read it or do whatever. So, for some reason, I agreed to do this spectacle," I pause, take a deep breath, and continue. "Anyway, they made me wear this hideous wig and outfit and I'm standing in front of 60 of my classmates and the girl next to me… well, she got really into her speech, and accidentally swung back and punched me in the face. The next thing I know I'm at home, lying in my bed."

"You what?" he says, baffled by my story.

"The girl punched me so hard I blacked out and they had to carry me out, that's right," I said quickly, the words running together and a bit of anger comes out through it.

"A girl punched you so hard that you… blacked out?" he asked, almost too afraid to say it.

"Yes, so, go ahead, laugh, make fun of me, do what you do best," I ramble to him.

He turns and smiles at me, "I'm not going to make fun of you… for right now anyway. But seriously, man, a girl?"

"Trust me, I know," I reply.

Collins and Benny had stopped their conversation and stood up in front of us. Benny cleared his throat and we both glared up at him.

"You guys ready to leave?" he asked us.

"Meh," I replied, but got up from my position on the ground. Roger followed suit and we quietly walked behind our two other roommates.

That was the first time I really opened up to Roger. The first time I knew I could trust him with everything and anything and we've been like that ever since. We know everything there is to know about each other – there are no boundaries untouched. We've seen each other in our most fragile states of being and helped one another recover.

There's one moment I've been saving. I believe it'll make the best ending for my project, considering who I'm making it for and why I'm making it. Roger's birthday, of course. I carefully pulled the film reel out of its case and placed it into the projector. I was filled with excitement in anticipation to watch it, knowing that the clip in the projector is the best part of making the film to begin with.

The scene before me was one I was used to – everyone hanging out in the loft, Collins, Maureen, Joanne, Roger, Mimi, and I. I was playing filmmaker, of course, for the occasion of Roger's birthday, his birthday last year, as a matter of fact. I figured it was a way to show that even though so many things have changed in a year, the things that really matter have stayed the same. We still have each other, our friends, our true family.

Roger looks a little apprehensive about the whole situation of a party in honor of his birthday. He always hates it when we fuss about his birthday, but we continue doing it anyway. The camera zooms in on the cake Maureen and Joanne brought over, plates and forks beside it, and cups scattered around.

My camera captures Mimi and Collins in deep conversation and now, watching this clip over again, I'm not quite sure what they're talking about. But I have a pretty good idea. Considering everything that happened after Roger's birthday last year, the facial expression on Mimi's face gives so much away. I almost can't believe a whole year since Roger's last birthday…

* * *

"Mark, are you going to put down that camera for at least two minutes to help me with _you know what_," Maureen says to me and I drop my camera to my side. You know what was Roger's presents, none of which he knew he was getting. He insisted that we didn't buy him anything this year, but we couldn't let that happen. So I followed Maureen into my room where the small pile of gifts was sitting on my bed. She grabbed the large one that Maureen, Joanne, and Collins got him together, whereas I grabbed the small gift I had for my roommate. We walked back out into the main room and walked straight over to Roger.

"It's time for presents!" Maureen screeched in front of him, dropping their large present in front of Roger.

"I told you guys not to get me anything," he mumbled, but still surprised by the large gift sitting in front of him.

"Roger, you're a member of our family, and that means you get a present on your birthday," Collins, the voice of reason, tells him. Roger examines the wrapped gift more carefully.

"It's from Joanne, Collins, and I," Maureen tells him proudly. He starts unwrapping the gift carefully to find a box. He carefully pulls off the lift to find his gift: it was an amazing, large, framed picture of Roger up on stage from his days with the Well Hungarians. The photo was courtesy of me – they had asked me if they had any good photos of Roger performing, and of course I said yes. He pulled the frame out of the box and examined it. It was a beautiful picture of him and the frame accented it perfectly.

"Aw man, guys, this is great, thank you so much," he says, almost in awe of the picture, but he seemed genuinely pleased with the gift. I was happy to see him so happy about something for once.

I glanced over at Mimi, who was peeking over Roger's shoulder to look at the frame. He was staring at it, examining it ever so carefully, taking in every detail of it – the guitar, the lights, the sweat dripping off of his brow, and his facial expression. He seemed so happy in the picture and I hope by looking at it he wasn't going to into depression again about the state of things. It was his birthday and I didn't want to deal with a sad Roger.

I glanced down at my gift, which I hid behind my back temporarily. Maureen gave me a funny look, almost to say, 'go ahead, give him your gift', but I couldn't do it. Everyone here, watching, it would seem wrong. It was meant to be opened by Roger and me together, alone, and that was that. I hide the small package underneath a jacket and joined the rest of the group in examining Roger's gift.

It was getting rather late, so Joanne, Collins, and Maureen headed out. I started picking up a few things, considering I didn't need film clips of everyone leaving. Roger and Mimi were quietly talking by the door, and soon enough I heard the loft door close. Roger's footsteps softly made their way to the couch, where I heard him flop down on the rather dysfunctional sofa.

I put down what I was cleaning up and made my way to sit down across from him on the couch. "You have a good time, birthday boy?"

"Honestly, yes, yes I did," he replies, flashing me a small smile.

"Good, but hey," I say, pulling the small, wrapped parcel from underneath its hiding spot. "I got you something, but I wanted to wait to give it to you."

"Man, you didn't need to get me anything," he says as I place the parcel in his lap. He glances down at it and slowly picks it up.

"Roger, it's your birthday. Anyway, it's hardly anything, just something I found that you might like," I quietly inform him.

"Alright, alright," he says, while pulling back the brown paper I used to wrap it with.

He finally had it unwrapped and glared down at it. I tried to judge his reaction, but was unable to. He sat in silence for at least thirty seconds, glaring down at the object, and I had to resist the urge to jump down his throat and tell me what he thought. He finally broke the silence after what seemed to be the longest wait of my life.

"Mark, wow," was his only reply. I had given him what seemed to be the only logical gift he'd accept. I had been in his room a couple of weeks ago and realized that nowhere in it did he have a picture of the two of us together. As I was going through all the pictures I had for Maureen, Joanne, and Collins' present, I found one of the two of us, on New Years Eve a couple of years ago, sitting on the roof of the loft, smiling and happy. The lights from the city framed the background and it captured our friendship perfectly. I almost cried when I saw the picture and knew it was perfect. It told him everything I never could say.

"I just figured, well, you didn't have any pictures of us together and… um… yeah," I rambled as he was lightly touching the frame with his hands.

"God, this has to be from, what, four years ago?" he asked, bringing his head up to face mine, and I could see a small tear running down the side of his face.

"Uh, yeah, I think so," I quietly reply.

"Thanks man, this is perfect," he muttered, still staring at the picture.

"Cool," I say, standing up to go back to my chores, when I feel his hand grab my wrist.

"Uh, wait," he says, stopping me in my tracks. I turn to look at him, where he motions me to sit down beside him.

"Yeah?" I say, curious to why he's acting funny.

"You're a great friend Mark, I never get to tell you that," he says, very firm in his statement. "God, I think anyone else would have left by now with all the shit I've done. But you've always stayed. So thanks."

I know I'm blushing, I can feel my cheeks get red. I smile at him and simply reply, "Uh yeah… You know I never could leave you or this place."

* * *

It was the truth, too. I could never leave him or the loft if someone paid me a million dollars or tried dragging me out of here. I looked down at the film in front of me, writing down on the small spot to identify the piece: For Roger, on his birthday. I was pleased with my finished project, it was everything I imagined for him and so much more. Now, I have to wait three days to give it to him, I don't know if I'll be able to last that long. It'll be worth it though, to see the look in his eyes when he sees all the moments we've shared together on this film.

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**Thanks for reading!** Like something? Tell me in a **review**! I'd love to hear what you think! 


	5. Roger's Birthday

**Author's Notes: **Well here it is… as I mentioned in the first chapter, this now has some Mark/Roger, but it's very light. Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing! I tried to get this out as fast as I could without making it total crap – which meant I rewrote most of it three times. So, I hope you enjoy it! Disclaimer – Rent belongs to Jonathan Larson, I just use them for some fun.

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**Chapter 5 – Roger's Birthday**

I glanced down at the small parcel, excited yet nervous about seeing the look on Roger's face when he opened it. My stomach did a little flip-flop as I opened my bedroom door to let the light wash over my face. I stepped out into the main area, my footsteps making small noises as I walked over and placed the parcel down on the coffee table. I glanced at Roger's door – closed – and I walked over to the cupboards and looked at our limited food supply. I grabbed a somewhat stale piece of bread and brought it back over to the couch, where I sat down and stared at his gift.

So, I sat here, on the couch, camera at my side and an old newspaper in my hand, reading it barely while glancing up at Roger's door every couple of minutes. I desperately wanted to run in his room, shake him and wake him up. But it was his birthday and I had to respect his right to sleep in. Heck, he sleeps in every day, but I was going to do whatever he wanted on his birthday. With all the bad shit that has happened to him, I at least wanted to make his life as good as it could be on his birthday.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, I heard noises coming from behind Roger's door. I tried to look occupied, looking down at the papers in front of me like they were the most interesting things I've ever read. I heard Roger's door creak open and the shuffle of feet come towards me.

"Happy Birthday Roger," I greet him, probably with a goofy smile on my face.

"Morning," he mumbled, finding his way over to the couch next to me.

"Any big birthday plans?" I say, watching him yawn and stretch on the couch.

"I hope you're not planning another God-awful party again," he replies, throwing his feet up on the coffee table. I watch as the parcel moves a bit, but it's otherwise safe.

"Don't worry, just dinner at the Life with Joanne, Maureen, and Collins," I inform him. He knew that already, but was trying to be difficult.

"What's this?" he asked as the small parcel grabbed the attention of his eye. He leaned forward to pick it up and examined it closely.

"It's your birthday present," I reply, proud of my accomplishment.

"Birthday present?" he asks, his fingers gently feeling the present.

"Uh yeah, you can open it," I tell him, trying not to sound too excited. He peels back the brown paper to find the canister of film I had made for him.

"Some film?" he asks, a bit confused. He turns it over to see the inscription _For Roger, on his birthday_. A smile breaks through on his face and he glances back up at me. "You made me a film?"

I smile in reply and walk over to where I had so conveniently placed the projector in anticipation. I set it up quickly and walk back over to him. "Ready to see your film?"

He seemed more alert than when he originally surfaced from his room a couple of minutes ago. His eyes seemed alive and he quickly placed the film in my hands. "Hell yes! I better look good or your ass is mine, Cohen."

I placed the film in the projector and I was nervous, yet overly excited for him to finally see what I worked so hard on. I made this film one of my best, just so he would know how much I cared, how much I care about him. That maybe all the problems that he's had in his short lifetime doesn't really matter if you have people in your life that care about you and that you can care about.

I sat down beside him on our fragile couch, watching Roger as the film began. All the clips I complied flash across the screen and I barely notice them, I just observe Roger. He said before that I was good at observing and I was doing just that. Watching his every reaction to every carefully picked clip, every smile, every sigh, and every time he glanced away because the memory was almost too much to handle. He'd occasionally look back at me, giving me a smile or comment on what I've complied.

I watch as the clip from his birthday last year begins to play on the screen and I shift in my seat, anticipating the end of my small film for the one person I so eagerly aimed to please, the only person I cared about what they thought of my work. The film ended and I almost wished I had made it longer. But finding five minutes of clips was hard enough with the time I had to make the piece.

As the screen goes black, Roger slowly turns around, a smile across his face. I wait for his first reactions, but I think I've left him speechless.

"So…" I say, hoping to wager some sort of reaction from the man sitting across from me. He rubs his hands together for a moment before he finally opens his mouth to respond.

"Mark, wow, I mean… some of those clips have to be what, four years old?" he begins with. I nod my head in response and he continues. "I mean, I'd forgotten about half the clips on there… seems like such a long time ago."

"I know," I reply.

He drops his hands in his lap, but pushes himself over to right beside me on the couch. I look away, unsure why he's moved so close to me. He continues, "You know, I still have the bear."

My head pops up in surprise to his confession, "Really?"

"Uh yeah, he still sleeps underneath my pillow every night," he says quietly, glancing away from my face.

"I just, I don't know, I thought that clip was fitting, I guess, I thought it described our relationship… our friendship… perfectly," I mumble along, almost astonished by my response.

"Uh yeah, you're right. Anyway… I guess, wow," he pauses, bringing his hands to mine and grasping them tightly. "I would say thank you, but that just doesn't seem enough."

I blush a bit at his comment, enjoying as Roger's rough hands grasped mine tightly. The feeling inside I get when he's touching me, when he's beside me, is nothing like I've ever felt. I guess it's a combination of excitement since Roger finally watched his film and the way he's become speechless in response. But most of all, I get the feeling because of the one secret I've kept from him for I don't even know how long.

I glance away, waiting for him to continue, "You know, half of those things I'm glad I've done with you. I'm glad you keep harassing me to take my AZT and to be healthy and all that shit. I just… I mean… you never stop caring."

I almost open my mouth at that point, but he continues, "I did some pretty crazy shit when I was going through withdrawal, didn't I?

I let out a small laugh to his comment and nod my head, "Yeah, you did. I couldn't help but put the clip of the fort on there."

"I'm glad you did," he responds, squeezing my hand a bit tighter. He finally pulls his hand out of mine, pushing back away from me on the couch. "Anyway, thank you."

I think my face might just be as red as a cherry by this point, as I continue to blush at his sincere thank you. I reply, "You're welcome. Happy Birthday, Roger."

"Can I watch it again?" he asks hesitantly, almost like a small child asking for a piece of candy. I jump up off the couch and fix the film so that Roger could watch his birthday present again. As soon as I had the film started, I made my way back to the couch and sat beside him again.

This time he seemed to enjoy watching his film, commenting on each of the clips…

As the small clip of Roger attempting to shoo away the bird in our loft comes across the screen, he turns around and starts laughing at me. "I can't believe you killed that bird. Mark, I didn't know you had evil in you."

"Hey, I didn't mean to kill the bird. You just kept yelling at me to get it out of there and I guess I swung too hard," I replied.

He laughs a bit before he continues, "I almost totally forgot about that, but know, seeing that clip, that was pretty damn funny."

He turns back around and continues watching. Next clip he turned around and commented on was our first Flag Day celebration clip. "You know, that was a damn good idea you came up with."

"I know, I thought of the same thing when I rewatched that clip."

He continues chatting to me the rest of the film and it quickly ends. This time he turns around, excited about what he saw. Then I see this look come across his face and it puzzles me a bit. It's almost like one of those 'ah-ha' moments, where you realize something you'd never even thought of before, but it makes sense now.

"I just realized something," he comments, glancing back at the blank screen.

"What?" I reply, a bit puzzled myself.

"It's just, all those clips, things we've done together, I mean… for the most part, they are things we only know about. Hell, I don't think I've ever told anyone about Flag Day…"

I butt into his realization with, "Yeah, I've never told anyone either."

"And the whole thing with the bear, and the fort, and… wow. Shit, it almost seems like everything really crazy I've ever done, well, you've been there right beside me."

I give a small laugh at his response and tell him something I wanted to mention, "Yeah, I know. And there were other things that I surprisingly enough didn't have on film. Like you telling off my mom."

He pumps his fist in the air and starts laughing a bit, "Hell yes! That was fucking awesome!"

"I still owe you big time for that one," I smile in response. He scoots a bit closer to me on the couch, a big smile across his face.

He glances down at his lap and his voice drops as he says, "You know, I don't know where I'd be today with you."

It was unexpected, but my heart did a little flip-flop with his confession. I felt the exact same way, I'd be nowhere without him. I've known this for a long time, which is why I suddenly have the urge to do something I've held back for such a long time.

I lean in, placing a small, delicate kiss on his forehead, and then pull away. "I would be just as lost without you; you have to know that as well."

He glances up into my eyes and I can't help but look away. I hope it wasn't weird for him, but if I had done what I really had the urge to do, he'd probably never speak to me again. But maybe… not, because the next thing I know he's pushed me down on the couch, he's leaning on top of me, and then he brings our mouths together for the very first time.

I pause for a moment before I grab a hold of his shirt and start kissing him back. It's an experience unlike any other I've ever had. There's no way to describe the feeling I get inside when he's touching me, when his lips are pushed against mine. His lips are forceful and I can feel my back digging into the couch. We break away after a moment, both breathless and in shock. I glance away, praying this wouldn't turn awkward, but was relieved when I felt Roger lay down on top of me.

"You know, this might just turn out to be the best birthday I've had," he says, his breath warm on my shirt. I shift a little so I can turn to face him.

"Oh really now?" I remark, a sly smile creeping across my face. We both just lie there for a moment, Roger's hand draped across my chest, his head nestled at my side. I've taken my one arm and placed it behind his back and we just stay there, taking in this new step we've finally reached in our relationship.

He takes his hand that is currently across my chest and grabs my free hand and links them together. He smiles up at me and replies with, "You know how fucking long I've wanted to do that?"

"I've got a pretty good idea, but how long?" I reply, humoring him.

"Well, for sure, the day Mimi left, but I'm pretty sure my subconscious has been yelling at me for much longer than that."

I laugh at his response and squeeze his hand, "Well, I guess, yeah. About the same."

"We're pretty fucked up, you know that, right?" he says, a little laugh coming through his words.

I let out my own laugh and draw myself closer to him. I don't think I could be any happier at this point in my life. It's amazing how a film can do that to two people…

* * *

We ended up just lying around for the rest of the day because it was what Roger said he wanted to do. I had gotten some donuts the day before as a treat and we ended up eating those throughout the entire day. At one point, we ended up pulling out some of my old films and watched those, and Roger played some of his older songs on his guitar. I guess his film inspired a day of nostalgia, but it was good to go back and remember all the good times we've shared together. God knows we've shared enough of the bad times to last two lifetimes.

We finally start actually doing something productive when we realized Joanne, Collins, and Maureen would be over soon to come hang out before we headed out to dinner. We took our time showering and getting ready, and Roger actually decided to make himself look presentable for the night.

I was relaxing on the couch while Roger was acting like a girl in the bathroom when I heard Collins' voice over the answering machine.

"Hey, throw down the keys."

I run over to the window and look down, seeing our three friends beaming up at me. I throw down the keys while shouting, "Hey, 'bout time you guys got here!"

I come back inside the loft and walk over to the loft door, pushing it open as Maureen comes running up the stairs, Collins and Joanne a few steps behind her. She throws her arms open at me and I stumble back a bit at her embrace.

"Hey Marky!" she exclaims. I step back away from her and focus my attention on the other two guests.

"Hey Collins, Joanne," I smile at the two sane friends we have left.

"Hey Mark," Joanne replies, following me into the center of the loft. Maureen automatically sits on the couch and Collins just stands beside her.

"What's with the projector?" Maureen asks and I'm careful what to respond to it.

"Roger and I were watching some films earlier," I respond, while he finally steps out of the bathroom, looking incredibly hot, and it almost made me want to push him up against the wall and start doing things to his body that I feel incredibly dirty even imagining.

"Hey everyone," Roger speaks, making his presence known among the group. Maureen automatically leaps up and rushes over to him, placing a rather large kiss on his cheek, and squeezing him tighter than she did to me.

"Happy Birthday Roger!" she squeals. He glances over at me and I give him my best 'sorry' expression I could muster up.

"You're killing me, Maureen," he responds when he's had too much. She quickly backs away, allowing Collins the chance to greet Roger.

They exchange hugs and greetings and Joanne steps up to him, placing a small kiss on his cheek, and tells him, "You look great."

"I feel great," he replies, glancing over at me again. If he keeps staring at me all night, I think they're going to know something's up.

We agreed earlier that we wouldn't say anything to the three about whatever the hell is going on between us; it would be our biggest secret to date. All those other ones I had put on the film, they were just the building blocks to the bigger secret we kept inside of us, the one that really described who we were.

I'm lost in thought, but I am quickly brought back to reality by Roger poking my shoulder. I shake a moment, breaking my gaze, and replying with, "Are we ready to go?"

"Sure thing," Joanne replies. Roger gives me a funny look, as to say, 'What the hell just got into you?' But if he knew I was just daydreaming like normal, he wouldn't be so concerned.

"Let's do this," I say to the group and lead them out of the loft.

* * *

Camera to my left and Roger at my right, we've nestled in a table in the back, enjoying dinner with Maureen, Joanne, and Collins. Maureen is doing her best at not trying to be the star of the evening, by occasionally pausing whatever she's discussing and changing topics to something Roger would enjoy talking about.

We've finished our dinner and I see Joanne rifle through her bag to pull a small, colorful wrapped present out. They hadn't mentioned anything to me about his gift this year, so I was curious as Joanne handed the gift across the table to Roger.

"You guys…" he says, while tearing the paper back. I can see a nice box beneath and he opens it to find a really nice pen. "Oh wow, this is really cool," he says, examining it, and picking it up out of the box. "It feels really cool too!"

"We figure you could use it for writing songs and such… might warm up the fingers to get some lyrics down or something," Collins commented. We both laughed a little and Roger placed the pen down on the table.

"Thanks guys, really. This has been the best birthday ever," he says, glancing over at me and giving me a bright smile.

"Oh really now, Roger?" Maureen asks, obviously up to something. I get a bit nervous, especially when she asks the next question. "What did our dear Marky get you for your birthday? He never even told us."

"Uh… well…" Roger stuttered, but cracked a small smile. In reality, I gave him several birthday presents. But the one they're thinking of isn't why he's smiling, or maybe it is.

"You know, you two have been acting funny all dinner, what, did you two finally fuck or something," she snaps back. Roger and I automatically turn to face each other, our eyes meeting briefly, before we turn back to face our friends. I let Roger take the lead, while I just sit back and try not to blush over her comment, might give us away.

"Very funny, Maureen…" he says and a sigh of relief washes over me. "Actually, Mark made me a film for my birthday."

"Really? Can we watch it?" she replies while I glance over at him. I never really had intended for anyone besides Roger and myself to watch it and what it means to the two of us, well, it's something I don't think anyone would understand. Plus, there's some clips on there of not so good times, times during Roger's withdrawal, some things I don't know if he'd want anyone else to watch. His eyes wander to mine and I don't respond. It's his film; he has the right to do with it whatever he wants.

"Uh, I don't know…" he responds uneasily.

"Please…" she says, practically begging across the table.

"Well, okay, I guess," he says, giving into her request. He gives me a weak smile and I sneak my hand underneath the table to interlock with his, giving his a squeeze before pulling away.

How Maureen, Joanne, and Collins interpret this film could be very interesting. I mean, I don't think they'll understand it, but they might peel back the layers and see what's hidden underneath all the secrets. Our one true secret – how much that we honestly care for each other – is there if you know where to look.

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**Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear any comments, suggestions, anything! Tell me what you think!**


	6. Revealing Their Secrets

**Author's Note: **Well, this is it, the end! I knew I was going to end here, it was just the perfect spot to end. I want to thank all of you who have read and reviewed. I hope you've enjoyed it! Anyway, this chapter is in memory of Jonathan Larson, on his birthday! Thank you for creating amazing characters. And of course, he created the amazing world of RENT that I just use for fun. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

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**Chapter 6 – Revealing Their Secrets**

We were walking back when I motioned to Roger to drop back a bit to talk to me in private. Joanne and Collins were carrying on a conversation and Maureen was trying to act like she cared about what they were talking about. I placed my hand on the small of his back and leaned in to whisper to him, "Are you sure about this?"

His eyes glance over to meet mine and he quickly looks down at his feet. We continue our slower pace behind the rest of the group as he fumbles to grab my hand and gives it a squeeze. He then leans in to whisper, "Yeah, I figure why the hell not?"

"I mean, there's some things on there… I'm just saying, you don't have to do this," I inform him, keeping our converstion as hushed as possible.

"No, I want to do this," he says.

"Just making sure," I reply and we walk the rest of the way in silence. We occasionally exchange glances and Maureen starts blabbing to the two of us at one point, but we both just shake our heads and laugh at her. We arrive back at the loft and everyone makes themselves at home. Maureen and Joanne share a space on the couch, while Roger and Collins sit beside them. I walk over to the projector to set up the film.

"So, Roger, should we know anything before we watch your film?" Joanne asks of course, being the some what reasonable one of the group. I glance over at him and he starts laughing a little bit. I join him soon enough and we both get interesting looks from the rest of the crowd.

"What's so funny?" Collins asks, puzzled look across his face.

"Oh, well… it's just that half of the things on here I doubt you'll even be able to understand," Roger informs them. "I mean, just watch and see. But I make no guarantees."

"Alright, then let's do this!" Joanne cheers. I begin the film and walk over to sit beside Roger. I almost reach down to take his hand in mine, but I remember and retract.

The first clip that evokes some sort of reaction from the trio was the clips from when I accidentally killed the bird. I was waiting for some sort of reaction from Maureen about how I was evil against animals and whatever else she was going to rant about.

"You guys never told me about that," Collins said, as the clip ended.

"Uh yeah, I guess we forgot," I mumble.

"Mark, I can't believe you killed a bird! That's just wrong!" Maureen exclaims. I bury my head in my hands, then bringing it up to reply to her.

"Don't worry, I don't go around and kill birds for fun now."

Then, a crooked smile creeps on Collins face. "No, I get it now. That's how you finally got over hating Mark!" he says, facing Roger.

"I guess you could say that," Roger replies, his voice low and quiet. "Keep watching."

They all turned their attention temporarily back to the projector and film. I patiently waited for the clip of Roger and I shopping for April and Maureen to come across the screen, anticipating some sort of comment from my ex-girlfriend. The clip begins and I just start shaking my head and rolling my eyes. So maybe I shouldn't have let Roger show them this…

"Oh Mark, how cute, you were shopping for me for Christmas with Roger," she says and I notice how she fails to leave out the part about April.

"Yeah, it was loads of fun. You were always so hard to shop for," I snap back.

"That's not true! I loved all the presents you got me!" she says while shooting me one of her pouty glares.

"Nice bear, Roger," I hear Collins tell Roger and I pray that he doesn't say or do anything rash. It was his decision to show them the film, after all.

"Uh, yeah, thanks," he mumbles in response as the film moves onto the next clip.

We finally reach the end with the clip of Roger's birthday from last year. Considering it was the only clip where Joanne, Maureen, and Collins all made an appearance, I guess it's a good thing that it was the last clip. It'll be the last impression that they get of the film, so if they're on it, maybe they'll ignore some of the other things. The film finishes, so I stand to turn off the projector while Roger turns to face the rest of the crowd.

"Well?" he asks the collective group.

"You two sure do a lot of crazy stuff you never tell us about," Maureen replies. "I mean, what the hell was that Flag Day thing about?"

We both start laughing, exchanging a moment that no one else in the room could understand. I was right when I thought that no one besides us would be able to understand half of the film, even if they were the people that we considered our family. Some things between us have always been just that – kept between us. I suppose it's not a bad thing they know now, but it just doesn't make our relationship as special. What am I saying? Our relationship is damn special now!

I smile after considering all of that and Roger replies to her question. "Well… I guess that's what happens when it's damn hot in the loft and you get bored with sitting around all day in hellish weather."

"So you two do this every year now?" Collins asks in response.

We both shrug our shoulders and I answer his question this time. "Uh, I guess you could say that."

"I'm hurt that I was never invited! But now that I think about it… I remember once coming back one time to the loft in June and finding you two trashed beyond recognition. I didn't understand why and upon asking you two what was going on, you just started laughing at me. Now, I understand."

"And another thing," Maureen begins, "Roger, nice fort."

I expect to see a hint of anger flash across his face, but instead a small smile appears. A sigh of relief washes over me and I wait for his response.

"Yeah… I know, I'm so funny," he says, rolling his eyes at her.

"Well, all I have to say is that was really sweet, Mark," Joanne says to the group. My nerves relax a little, glancing over at Roger who honestly looks content with the whole situation.

"Yeah Mark, why didn't you ever give me a birthday present that nice?" Maureen adds in, pouting a little.

"Uh…" I stutter, knowing the real reason in my heart, but luckily Collins jumped in before I could say or do something stupid.

"You just said you loved all the presents he's ever gotten you!"

"Well… yeah. But this, this is so much more personal," she insists.

"Maybe if you hadn't dumped me for a woman I would have made you a film of your own, no offense Joanne," I snap back, sounding a little harsh.

"It's okay Mark," Joanne reassures me. Joanne and I have always had that special understanding – we've been through Maureen and back. My comment luckily shuts up Maureen temporarily.

"Well, we really should be getting home," Maureen says, pulling Joanne up with her. "Happy Birthday, Roger."

"Thanks Maureen, Joanne," he replies, leading them to the door as they exit. We're left with Collins, who thankfully understands us way better than the two girls could ever.

Roger comes and sits down in the seat vacated by Maureen and Joanne. Collins turns to face the two of us, a wide smile breaking across his face. "So, how long have you two been in love with each other?"

"Excuse me?" I squeak out, praying my ears are deceiving me in some way.

"You heard me, I don't think Maureen or Joanne could see it on the film, but I'm not blind. I know you two and that just confirmed it, so spill," he states, glancing at both of us.

I can feel my face getting warmer, all the blood rushing to my head and I'm probably blushing considerably by now. I glance down at my feet then over to Roger, who's ignoring the subject as well as I am.

"Collins, I don't know what the hell you're talking about," Roger snaps at him, although I don't think he'll be very convinced by his response.

"I get it, it just happened today, didn't it? After you watched the film?" Collins asks and I almost can't believe how smart he really is. Thank God Maureen and Joanne didn't get it as well as he did.

"Uh… well…" we both stutter at the same time and I move over to be beside Roger, clamping my hand in his. He looks back up at me, a bit shocked by my action, but then his smile returns.

"Yeah, you're right, actually, you're so right that it's frankly a bit scary," I tell him.

Collins starts laughing a little bit, glancing at each of us, pointing a bit, and then laughing some more. Roger glances at me and I shrug in response.

"What's so damn funny, Collins?" Roger asks him.

"It's just…" he says in between fits of laughter, "that means, everyone in our family basically is attracted to those of the same sex."

Roger looks a little stunned by his statement, as I am as well. I never considered myself gay, I just was in love with Roger. It was the person, not the label at all.

"The only guy I'd ever consider kissing is Mark," Roger says, defiantly. I nod in agreement.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a twist," Collins jokes back. "I know you two. Don't worry; your secret is safe with me."

Roger and I exchange glances and relax against the back of the couch. Collins stands up and walks over to the kitchen, where a brown bag he brought earlier remained. "How about a toast?" he says, pulling out a bottle of some foreign liquid and a couple of glasses. We both stand up, walking over to join him. He hands us glasses and we wait in response.

"I just want to propose a toast for Roger's birthday. Happy birthday, you lug. And to love. Especially those who finally found what it means to really find your other half," he states, then brings his glass up to the sky, and I know he's motioning to Angel. Roger and I mimic him and then I bring my glass to my lips, downing the strong drink.

"Alright you two, I should get going so you can enjoy the rest of the evening," Collins says seductively. I blush a little at his comment, while following him in his walk towards the door. As soon as he reaches the door, he turns around and tells us, "Stay out of trouble, you two."

"We'll do our best," Roger states as we wave him goodbye and he heads down the stairs. We close the loft door and both collapse on the couch.

"We survived," I state, a sigh of relief washing over me.

"Yes, yes we did," he replies, lying down with his head in my lap. I start stroking his hair.

"Happy Birthday, Roger," I tell him one more time.

"You know, this was probably the best birthday I've ever had. I got you," he tells me, as my heart leaps with joy. I lean down and bring him in for a gentle kiss. We pull away and I smile in response.

Although our relationship always has consisted of many secrets, I guess they've helped us out in the long run. They helped us find out why we kept so many secrets. I think it all has to do with the fact if we admitted them; we'd have to admit to ourselves how we felt about one another. I guess making the film, getting everything out in the open, was the best way for us to connect with one another. One thing is for sure, I'm going to remember this day for the rest of my life. It was the day that my life began.

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**Thank you again for reading this story! Reviews are always greatly appreciated:) **


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